Friday, February 25, 2011

4 things a girl can be thankful for.

i am thankful for the people in my life. especially these 5.


i am thankful that i get to do ministry with these crazy folks

i am thankful for this little man

i am thankful for this BIG man.

the end.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

new love

i write letters to my future husband. i tell him things that i want him to do, and things that are going on in my life. things that are going to shape me to be the person that he falls in love with and be the person he wants to marry. i spend time praying for him every once in a while. i found a blog about a girl named leslie. this blog is letters to her future husband. i have no idea who she is, where she is from, or anything about her. but my heart resonates with hers in a lot of her posts.

i have dated, i have loved, i have hurt and i have been hurt. thinking about him makes it all worth it almost. to know that God has created/is working on a man right now for me. a man who is going to be perfectly suited for me. a man that is going to love me in a way i have never been loved before. i cant wait. here are a few things that i write to him:

I want us to be best friends. I want you to be the person that I want to spend all my time with because we have so much fun. I might be really embarrassed to do things at first, but ill come around. Be patient with me.

You are going to have to fight for me. I’ve also promised myself that I am not going to give my heart away so quickly. You are going to have to fight for it. I have been hurt, and I am not willing to do that again. Please be willing to do anything to achieve my heart.

Please show me that love isn’t something that I should be afraid of.

KNOW me. Every part of me. Learn the good and the bad. I want you to know me well enough that you know my heart without me having to say anything.

Fight for me. Through everything, fight please. I swear, I am worth it.

Please let me wear your clothes and think I look good in them.

I want you to make me laugh every day.

I am going to try to always speak highly of you, my mom taught me that and it is something that I value, please do the same for me.

In this blog I am reading, she says, “please don’t hang out with me. Date me” I agree. I want to be the special one that you plan nights for, and dress up for and bring me things just cause you love me.

Teach me to love the rain, and getting messy. Its hard for me. I kind of hate the rain and getting messy, but give me a reason to love it.

Please be willing to pursue me. I think that I often do most of the pursuing because I am afraid, or not trusting enough to believe that the boy will. Be the boy that proves me wrong.

Help me become a better woman, but without making me feel bad for my short-comings.

i am learning recently that in order to feel secure in anything, i must be secure with my savior first. falling in love with Jesus more these past few days have helped me see the things that i have allowed in my relationships that were not okay. Jesus has shown me my worth and how much I mean to him. He has also shown me that my future husband will love me that way. He will love me the way that Christ loved the church. 

So, for the time being, I am spending my time falling more in love with my redeemer. i am findind myself within him and his son. I am giving him my heart. He'll give it to the right man when He is ready. But until my Jesus gives my precious heart to that man, it will remain safely in Christ's hands. being protected, loved, cherished, built into and molded.

Friday, February 18, 2011

this much.

my heart is chaos right now. i dont know which way is up and where my head is at. all i know is that its better this way. maybe this happened because I am supposed to be this way and this is how God wanted to show me. maybe he is using the people in my life to tell me things about my heart.

he gives and takes away right?

why does the taking away suck so much? i struggle with knowing that God is controlling everything for my good. cause this doesnt feel like good. i mean, i head know it, but i dont heart know it. i know that this is better for meand my heart and emotions. but my heart doesnt want it, my heart was okay with the way things were going sometimes. my heart was willing to sacrifice. but i think that there is a line of sacrifice that one must not cross.

though the sorrow may last through the night, JOY comes in the morning!

 i have to remind myself that this isnt going to last forever. i have to know that Jesus knew that I could handle this and i have to take heart in knowing that he believed he me this much. how cool? i have to know that Jesus has a bigger and better plan for my life. a plan that may or may not include what is going on with me right now.

my hope is in you. i cant wait to see what you are going to do with all this. i love you jesus

You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost its sting

Oh, I’m running to Your arms,
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In Your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

My heart will sing
no other Name
Jesus, Jesus

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign 

bloggers prayer

I am no longer my own blogger, but Thine, O Lord.

Refine me with each post how You will, rank me how You will.
Put me to service, or put me to suffering.
Let me post for Thee or be put aside for Thee,
Lifted high, only for Thee, or brought low, all for Thee.
Do with me and each post whatever you will, because You alone know best.

Let me not strive but submit Let me not compete but care
Let me not desire hits but holiness
Let me be a follower, instead of seeking followers.

Let my blog be full of Thee, and let it be empty of me.
Let me crave all things of Thee, let me care nothing of this world.
Let my words be worthy of the greatest of audiences: You.
And You are enough.

May I write not for subscribers… but only for Thy smile.
May my daily affirmation be in the surety of my atonement,
not the size of my audience.
May my identity be in the innumerable graces of Christ,
never, God forbid, the numbers of my comments.
May the only words that matter in my life not be the ones I write on a screen ---
but the ones I live with my skin.

I freely and heartily yield every sentence, every title, every post, every comment… or no comments… all to Thine pleasure and perfect will.

My only fame is that I bear Your name
My only glory is the gift of Your Grace
My only readership, Your eyes that seek to and fro to find a heart hard after You.
Make this so, oh Lord…

Yahweh, You alone are my God, not Google
Jesus, You alone are my Savior, not site meters
And Holy Spirit, You alone are my Comforter, not comments

So be it, today, yesterday, and every post to come.

This is my prayer I have made on earth and over this keyboard… let it be ratified in heaven.

Monday, February 14, 2011

feb 14th

in honor of the DAY OF LOVE, here are 14 things i love about love.

1. the cross.

2. butterflies in your tummy. 

3. hugging.

4. love notes and cute texts.

5. being cherished.

6. boys gushing and crying.

7. smiles across the room.

8.  winks.

9. feeling safe.

10. support.

11. sweet phone calls.

12. saying, "I love you".

13. acceptance.

14. holding hands.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

my God is a warrior.

there is a person in my life, whom i love dearly. this person holds a very special place, near and dear, in my heart. this person knows me like no one else knows me. this person has experienced things alongside me like no on else has. this person and i have a very special loving relationship that i will never be able to imitate or give up.

this person holds a very specific purpose in my life. this person is a protector of my heart. this person is ridiculously protective without even knowing it. this person makes me cry when they tell me they love me and get all gushy with me. this person has the softest heart i have ever seen, and tries desperately to hide it. this person is beyond funny and makes me giggle all the time. we have the greatest time together and have done some INSANE things with each other.

funny thing is, i dont think this person will ever know how much they mean to me. which is totally my fault. our relationship has often been strained due to personality types among other things, but this person has my back at the end of the day. this persons opinion of my life matter's more than they know. when i tell this person something, all i hope is that they think im cool. this person is amazing.

this person and i live very different lifestyles. this person has chosen to go a route in life that i have not. not that this is wrong, just different. i have learned a lot from this person as they travel this road and i have traveled my own. i see this person making some mistakes and me making my own (often very similar ones and in very similar times in life). at this point in my life, where I am headed is far different from where this person is headed. this person has chosen that church isnt for them. which is okay. this is something that this person feels very adamant about and rightly so from how i have seen this person treated.

my heart breaks knowing that we are on such different paths. knowing that the joys that i share in Christ, this person is choosing not to. i hear worship songs and think "i wonder if that is how they feel?". i pray for this person constantly because this person is such a HUGE part of my heart and life. i pray that God would continue pushing into this person and that this person's heart would become softened to Christ calling of their life.

today, i had the joy of reconnecting with some old friends from jr. high/high school. these were people for as far as i knew, also chose to step away from the church for the same reason that my special person did. i saw these people today and my heart lept. i have randomly prayed for these people over the years, that God would call them back to Himself and today my prayer was answered. as i was talking with them, i began to see how God placed them in my life at just the right moment.

you see, i struggle with pride. i struggle with wanting to be the one person that is going to get through to my special person. i want to be the tool that God uses to get through. i often try to fix this person's heart without even acknowledging God using me. this morning as i sat in church thanking God for these lives that were sitting next to me.God whispered in my heart , "if i can do this, what do you think im doing with your special person. i got this, relax and let me work". i found myself tearing up and feeling this sense of peace come over me as i realize that my special persons heart is being held and molded by the creator of the universe. God hasnt let go, hasnt turned his back or given up. God is holding onto this person, clinging to this person's heart, God is facing this person head on, arms wide and waiting for this person to see him. He isnt letting go, He isnt giving up. My God is a fighter, a mighty warrior who is stronger that i can imagine and is jealous for this persons heart and will not stop until this persons heart is his again.

i can cling to that. i can take hope and strength from that. my God is a warrior.

you know my heart and how i long to be alongside this person in your presence. i long to share my heart and hear this person's heart for you . father, please keep fighting. dont let the devil win this one. this person is too important to let slip by. father, if it is me you want to use, then use me. but if its someone else, then let them come now. father. soften this person's heart to your calling. let this person start questioning what they are doing and whether or not it is worth it. father, let this person feel the weight of their decisions. convict this person God. help them to see how choosing to run from you isnt going to stop you from pursuing them. God, grip their heart. make it yours again. right where it belongs, in your hands. dont turn your back, dont let go, this person needs you now. reveal yourself to them and let them see you more plainly and in a more real way then ever before. i love you, and them. i know you are jealous for your own and this person is yours. make this person remember that. thanks for such a beautiful reminder that you got this.
i love you.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

busy as a bee

i am busy, i mean not OVERLY busy but busy nonetheless. i have been fighting off this sickness that i think is winning at this point, which, i mean, is a barrel of fun :) i have been working, "schooling", "churching", "boyfriending", "friending" and "ministrying" a lot lately. although i am happy with all that is going on, i am quite exhausted from it all.

this weekend i had the pleasure of going to Forest Home for winter camp with my 6th grade girls. this was a great experience. i love camps, i love bonding, i love talking and worshiping and listening to how God is moving in the hearts of our students. there are a few particular kids in our group who made HUGE strides this weekend and it makes me heart so happy.

my 6th graders are great. it was their first trip out of childrens ministry and it was so fun to see them be excited about everything. although they knocked out at 930 pm on the first night, the 2nd night they were up until the wee hours of the morning (not to worry, Jess and I got out sleep still). they LOVED every second of it. we had 6 of our 9 girls go and Jess and I couldnt have been happier.

here are our girls making journals for camp : )

oh, Jess. she's my co-small group leader. she is great. she's a twin. her sister Hannah also works on staff with us and does 6th graders too. they are great. I met Jess in Mexico this past October and we hit it off. little did i know we'd be working together :) she is great, she loves our girls and really desires to know how to lead them well and have them learn to love God more. although there was some things about the weekend that I didnt like, overall it was okay

here she is, the weekend we met in Mexico!

I came home on Sunday (super bowl sunday)--go packers!-- and was so tired. Kyle and I went over to a friends house to watch the game with a bunch of friends and barely made it to the end of the game. we drove home and i passed out. i thought that would be the extent of my exhaustion. NOPE. i woke up monday morning like i hadn't slept a wink, when really i slept 11 hours. who knew? i went to work, 845-3 with kinders will take it out of you. my brain wasnt functioning right and i was entirely too emotional for my own good. that led to a long day let me tell you.

i am blessed to be apart of a small group on monday nights, which i love. i went to that and it redeemed my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day :) God's word always does that to me. haha. Tuesday was a flex day (no school!) so i spent it doing homework and cleaning. but Tuesday night i was able to go to a class at church about what to do when your well runs dry. the speaker talked about how morality isnt something that we can attain on our own, that we need to understand our need for Jesus and he will be the one that helps us achieve that. mind boggling to say the least. super great, saw a lot of familiar faces and most importantly....

TALKED TO RON ABOUT GOING SKY DIVING!  we are finding a place and setting the time. so hopefully, within a month or two, i will be able to say that i have jumped out of a plane!!! AHHH. one more thing on my bucket list :) holler.

this'll be me soon enough!

the race continues. school, work, ministry. i can do it.

oh, and happy vday <3

Monday, February 7, 2011


Give me eyes to see
More of who You are
May what I behold,
still my anxious heart.
Take what I have known
And break it all apart
For You my God, are greater still.

No sky contains,
No doubt restrains,
All You are,
The greatness of our God.
I spend my life to know,
And I'm far from close
To all You are,
The greatness of our God.

Give me grace to see
Beyond this moment here.
To believe that there
Is nothing left to fear.

That You alone are high above it all.
For You my God, are greater still.

 No sky contains,
No doubt restrains,
All You are,
The greatness of our God.
I spend my life to know,
And I'm far from close
To all You are,

The greatness of our God.

And there is nothing
That can ever separate us.
There is nothing that can ever
separate us from Your love.
No life, no death, of this I am convinced.
You my God, are greater still.

And no words can say, or song convey,
all You are the greatness of our God.

I spend my life to know,
And I'm far from close
to all You are,
the greatness of our God.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011


recently God has been revealing so much of himself to me that its almost hard to focus on one thing. i feel like there is a new thing each and every day. i am so overwhelmed with the way that he is pursuing me and my heart. it is amazing. i feel as if each day is something new that i get to learn and feel good about. despite having a hard day or a good day, my happiness is no longer dependent upon what happens, who i talk to, what i do. my happiness/joy comes from my savior.

i am in a small group that is going through Jesus' sermon on the mount.( which btw, i always thought was MOUND until about last year...funny thing. it could be a mound right? haha) as we were reading through a few of the beattitudes i felt so thankful for the faithfulness that Christ has portrayed to me. throughout my whole life, i have had my few shares of ups and downs. when i look back at those, all i see is faithfulness.

the first 7 beattitudes were the ones that we went over last night, i found that when i read over them all i could think about are the ways that God was/in faithful in those.

vs 3. for theirs is the kingdom of heaven
vs. 4 for they shall be comforted
vs. 5 they shall inherit the earth
vs. 6 they shall be satisfied
vs 7. they shall receive mercy
vs 8. they shall see God
vs. 9 they shall be called sons of God.

i know that there has to be work on our part to receive this...but come on. these 7 things are beautiful. i will attain the kingdom, i will be comforted,  i will inherit the earth, i will be satisfied, i will receive mercy, i will see God, i will be a part of God's family. how beautiful is that? these verses show his faithfulness.
paired with what i have been learning about trust, these two days could not have been placed together more beautifully. God, good job on that one!

"Our soul waits for the Lord: he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you"

Psalm 33:20-22