this person holds a very specific purpose in my life. this person is a protector of my heart. this person is ridiculously protective without even knowing it. this person makes me cry when they tell me they love me and get all gushy with me. this person has the softest heart i have ever seen, and tries desperately to hide it. this person is beyond funny and makes me giggle all the time. we have the greatest time together and have done some INSANE things with each other.
funny thing is, i dont think this person will ever know how much they mean to me. which is totally my fault. our relationship has often been strained due to personality types among other things, but this person has my back at the end of the day. this persons opinion of my life matter's more than they know. when i tell this person something, all i hope is that they think im cool. this person is amazing.
this person and i live very different lifestyles. this person has chosen to go a route in life that i have not. not that this is wrong, just different. i have learned a lot from this person as they travel this road and i have traveled my own. i see this person making some mistakes and me making my own (often very similar ones and in very similar times in life). at this point in my life, where I am headed is far different from where this person is headed. this person has chosen that church isnt for them. which is okay. this is something that this person feels very adamant about and rightly so from how i have seen this person treated.
my heart breaks knowing that we are on such different paths. knowing that the joys that i share in Christ, this person is choosing not to. i hear worship songs and think "i wonder if that is how they feel?". i pray for this person constantly because this person is such a HUGE part of my heart and life. i pray that God would continue pushing into this person and that this person's heart would become softened to Christ calling of their life.
today, i had the joy of reconnecting with some old friends from jr. high/high school. these were people for as far as i knew, also chose to step away from the church for the same reason that my special person did. i saw these people today and my heart lept. i have randomly prayed for these people over the years, that God would call them back to Himself and today my prayer was answered. as i was talking with them, i began to see how God placed them in my life at just the right moment.
you see, i struggle with pride. i struggle with wanting to be the one person that is going to get through to my special person. i want to be the tool that God uses to get through. i often try to fix this person's heart without even acknowledging God using me. this morning as i sat in church thanking God for these lives that were sitting next to me.God whispered in my heart , "if i can do this, what do you think im doing with your special person. i got this, relax and let me work". i found myself tearing up and feeling this sense of peace come over me as i realize that my special persons heart is being held and molded by the creator of the universe. God hasnt let go, hasnt turned his back or given up. God is holding onto this person, clinging to this person's heart, God is facing this person head on, arms wide and waiting for this person to see him. He isnt letting go, He isnt giving up. My God is a fighter, a mighty warrior who is stronger that i can imagine and is jealous for this persons heart and will not stop until this persons heart is his again.
i can cling to that. i can take hope and strength from that. my God is a warrior.
you know my heart and how i long to be alongside this person in your presence. i long to share my heart and hear this person's heart for you . father, please keep fighting. dont let the devil win this one. this person is too important to let slip by. father, if it is me you want to use, then use me. but if its someone else, then let them come now. father. soften this person's heart to your calling. let this person start questioning what they are doing and whether or not it is worth it. father, let this person feel the weight of their decisions. convict this person God. help them to see how choosing to run from you isnt going to stop you from pursuing them. God, grip their heart. make it yours again. right where it belongs, in your hands. dont turn your back, dont let go, this person needs you now. reveal yourself to them and let them see you more plainly and in a more real way then ever before. i love you, and them. i know you are jealous for your own and this person is yours. make this person remember that. thanks for such a beautiful reminder that you got this.
i love you.