In the midst of life

God has me at a funny place in life.

I'm in this season of self-discovery and kind of hating what I am finding.
Hating all these things that I am feeling and hating even more that I have to sit with them.
Sitting these, sifting through and figuring out where and why it came about.

While I am single God chooses to do interesting things in my life.
He is preparing me I am sure, for hopefully one day a husband.
He is faithfully pruning my branches and I cling onto him with everything I have.

It's a interesting and beautiful place when Christ is the first one you turn to because there is no one else.
My tears, my hopes my dreams all laid down at his feet.
My unhappiness, my fear, my unbelief.

He is alive in me. I know that he is moving. I can feel a stirring in my soul.
I just kind of hate the way that He is choosing to do it.
Through pain and lonlieness.

But I have hope. I have hope that through this broken mess of my life, there is beauty.
I cling to the fact that I can trade these ashes in for beauty.

In my brokenness, I am complete at the cross.


My eyes, mind and heart have to be set on Christ in order to get through this.
I cant take them off or I fall and fail.
I dont want to be Peter, look down at the water and sink. My eyes must be fixed on Christ.

In Celebrate Recovery we say the Serenity Prayer...it goes a little like this.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time.
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.
Taking as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it.
Trusting that you will make all things right,
if I surrender to your will.
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
and supremely happy with you forever in the next.

This is truth. Even re-writing it right now I learned more what it means.
Surrender. Surrender. Surrender.