new love

i write letters to my future husband. i tell him things that i want him to do, and things that are going on in my life. things that are going to shape me to be the person that he falls in love with and be the person he wants to marry. i spend time praying for him every once in a while. i found a blog about a girl named leslie. this blog is letters to her future husband. i have no idea who she is, where she is from, or anything about her. but my heart resonates with hers in a lot of her posts.

i have dated, i have loved, i have hurt and i have been hurt. thinking about him makes it all worth it almost. to know that God has created/is working on a man right now for me. a man who is going to be perfectly suited for me. a man that is going to love me in a way i have never been loved before. i cant wait. here are a few things that i write to him:

I want us to be best friends. I want you to be the person that I want to spend all my time with because we have so much fun. I might be really embarrassed to do things at first, but ill come around. Be patient with me.

You are going to have to fight for me. I’ve also promised myself that I am not going to give my heart away so quickly. You are going to have to fight for it. I have been hurt, and I am not willing to do that again. Please be willing to do anything to achieve my heart.

Please show me that love isn’t something that I should be afraid of.

KNOW me. Every part of me. Learn the good and the bad. I want you to know me well enough that you know my heart without me having to say anything.

Fight for me. Through everything, fight please. I swear, I am worth it.

Please let me wear your clothes and think I look good in them.

I want you to make me laugh every day.

I am going to try to always speak highly of you, my mom taught me that and it is something that I value, please do the same for me.

In this blog I am reading, she says, “please don’t hang out with me. Date me” I agree. I want to be the special one that you plan nights for, and dress up for and bring me things just cause you love me.

Teach me to love the rain, and getting messy. Its hard for me. I kind of hate the rain and getting messy, but give me a reason to love it.

Please be willing to pursue me. I think that I often do most of the pursuing because I am afraid, or not trusting enough to believe that the boy will. Be the boy that proves me wrong.

Help me become a better woman, but without making me feel bad for my short-comings.

i am learning recently that in order to feel secure in anything, i must be secure with my savior first. falling in love with Jesus more these past few days have helped me see the things that i have allowed in my relationships that were not okay. Jesus has shown me my worth and how much I mean to him. He has also shown me that my future husband will love me that way. He will love me the way that Christ loved the church. 

So, for the time being, I am spending my time falling more in love with my redeemer. i am findind myself within him and his son. I am giving him my heart. He'll give it to the right man when He is ready. But until my Jesus gives my precious heart to that man, it will remain safely in Christ's hands. being protected, loved, cherished, built into and molded.